Everyone knows that Hollywood tells stories, and that those stories are fictions. Thus Hollywood script writers must always at least partially fabricate history whenever they write movies about ancient ages. So is it possible that our belief that romantic relationships are as old as time, or at least as old as Adam and Eve, are just myths promoted by pop culture? In short, is it possible that the very idea of romantic love is a recent invention?
It may seem odd to you, but there's a substantial body of evidence to indicate just that. Students of anthropology and ancient literature find no evidence of what we now describe as romantic attachments prior to medieval Europe. The first such affair may have been invented by Heloise and Abelard. Prior to that, physical attachments between members of the opposite sex (or even the same sex) were only described in erotic terms, or were based on someone's self-interest in reproduction. In short, love may have recently evolved out of lust. To review the arguments of those who propose this point of view, just go to Wikipedia and look up the entry for "romance."
So why did both Shakespeare and Cecil B. DeMille portray Cleopatra and Marc Antony making goo-goo eyes at each other? It may well have been just Freudian projection on the part of an artist.
As we all know, fashions come and fashions go. Just like any other novel idea that comes into favor for a time, romance may now be vulnerable to passing out of fashion. While mass media vehicles continue to churn out romance-based entertainments, in the marketplace where human sexual relationships are actually forged, it seems that romance may be becoming somewhat old-fashioned. "Hookups" are taking the place of "dalliances," Internet matchmakers' coupling algorithms have taken the place of "love at first sight," "living together" is on its way to taking the place of marrying, and commonplace, even fashionable, out-of-wedlock births have made the whole idea of "bastardy" totally obsolete.
Bryan Sykes, an Oxford Professor of Genetics has even suggested that the end of heterosexual romance may be inevitable anyway. It seems that human males' DNA is more fragile than women's and as a result has degenerated over time. He speculates that men may become extinct. That would leave only women to perpetuate the race by genetic engineering, parthogenesis, or other advanced medical strategies. Would the end of the war between the sexes be a blessing or an indictment of humankind as a whole? Time may tell.
Sounds bleak? Maybe it does. But like it or not, ideas can outlive their usefulness, and as their utility declines they must ultimately pass out of history. So we have to ask ourselves: what good is romance? What has it done for our culture that other fashions have not? For example, romance has by and large replaced the arranged marriage all throughout the Western world, and is on its way to doing so in large parts of Asia.
I think that most civilized people still value romance for some very practical reasons. By creating bonds between lovers that are based on more than just passion, convenience or power, romance promotes freedom. We now freely choose mates based on mutual attraction and consent. And even more, romance promotes bonds colored by mutual compassion and care rather than mere lust and an objectified, possessive desire. In short, romance-based relationships make us more human. We can see ourselves at our best as more evolved beings who have progressed above our animal origins. Seen that way, the impulse to throw romance under the bus suggests a reversion to barbarism, a retreat from a more advanced ethical platform. Is it a sign of our civilization's decline?
History evolves in mysterious ways. When you're caught up in its currents in mid-stream, it's hard to see where you're heading. None of can be certain of where immediate changes may lead us, or why we seem so determined to go there. But as individuals, we can still make our own choices.
For my part, I choose romance. It may cost me more at Christmas or on her birthdays, or certainly on Saint Valentine's Day. But I'm old now enough not to feel compelled to follow all fashions. And romance is one idea that's brought great value to my life, in ways that passion alone never did. Romance lives on in my heart; I can only hope that it does so in yours.
Sincerely: Mike Riley
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