Friday, July 13, 2012

Get Him To Be My Boyfriend: What Every Single Girl Should Know

You are so smitten with this guy and you two are getting along just fine but the problem is you don't know whether or not he feels the same way for you. It's rather complicated for a woman to be in this kind of situation because of so many conflicting views about this matter. Some say that being straightforward is your best bet but others believe that a guy should do all the work. You have to realize that none of these matter because it all depends on your own standpoint and of course the kind of man you are dating. Some men don't seem to care if the woman makes the first move but others prove to be judgmental about it. So, how do I get him to be my boyfriend?

Whatever you do, never fall for those desperate moves like waiting for days to reply to his Facebook or text messages, using another guy to make him jealous or worst getting drunk and sleeping with someone else. If he complains about it, give him that infamous smirk and tell him he is being silly and that he doesn't have the right to question you because you are not his girlfriend. I don't know any planet where these tactics might work! These strategies will definitely backfire and what's worst is you can lose the man of your dreams to some illogical methods.

It's about time that you forget what your female friends are telling you about playing mind games with a man. They have never worked and will never do, at least not in a functional, healthy relationship. How many times do we have to be reminded, ladies, that the male species can't read our minds. If you show a guy you are not interested in him; that is what he is going to feel. He won't sit on a couch and try to figure out whether your text message "I can't see you anymore" really means what it is or it secretly means "Show me how much you want me". Guys do not translate so stop playing those nonsense games that will never give you the relationship you've always wanted.

If you like a guy then all you have to do is to let him know. You may not say it directly but at least make him feel that he means something to you. Don't pretend you are not interested in him at all by ignoring him and acting like a total snob when he is around. If you want him to ask you to be his girlfriend, go back to your sweet, old self. Keep it real and stop the charades.

When it comes to how to get him to be my boyfriend, it's important that you know for certain you are girlfriend material. Don't ever threaten his freedom and drop hints like you don't want to be with someone who spends a lot of time with his friends or playing video games. A lot of guys don't enter in a relationship because they know that all the fun starts to wear out once it goes serious. You want him to commit? Let him know what kind of a woman you are and he can't find the qualities you possess in any other girl. Be confident and avoid being too needy or clingy. You need to have a life outside of him. Know your priorities but don't make them all about him. This does not however mean that you won't make the effort to be aware of his interests and hobbies. If you want to be his girl, you have to keep up with him and learn to enjoy the things he likes.

Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men: How To Beat Them At Their Own Game

A lot of my clients are dealing with men who blow hot and cold, who give conflicting messages, who throw the bones every now and then just enough to keep them at bay but the relationship doesn't really progress or go anywhere.

It is very heartbreaking dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. You never know where you stand or how he truly feels about you. If he's really emotionally unavailable or is just not that into you.

Whatever the reason it's not advisable to take these men seriously. The problem is the relationship is often too good to leave but too bad to stay in. You are stuck. Either way you feel the pain. If you are a woman expecting to marry and start a family soon before your reproductive years cease, this can be very damaging.

You are desperate. You are confused. You are exhausted and resentful.

Sounds familiar?

Emotional unavailability is real. Many men at some point or another, sometimes for no particular reason, are going through this stage. When they are in this mode, there is really little you can do to change their mind set. Words definitely won't do it. They have to process their own feelings until they come out of that state by themselves.

As a woman, it's important to detect this early enough before you get too attached to think straight and do the right thing. Unfortunately, for most women in their 30's and 40's who are still single or have just come out of a divorce or a long-term relationship, coming across this species and dating them -and often falling in love with them- is inevitable. There are so many of these men out there.

Often they will tell you right out of the bat that they are not looking for anything serious but they show intense liking toward you and because they're such charmers these women are falling for them after a while.

Some of them will pursue you hard but then pull away as soon as the conquest is completed.

Some will even offer exclusivity or agree to it in a heartbeat but it's obvious his heart isn't in it. He will still sneak dating or talking to other women and even contacting women on dating sites.

Some of them are just happy being in relationship that is otherwise stable apart from the speed to full blown commitment -whatever that means to the women concerned- is never fast enough.

Whatever the form is, it is no fun being strung along.

Many women, though, think by avoiding these men altogether will help protecting their heart from hurt which is true for the most part apart from dating will be very dull and challenging if you discount these men completely. These men are fun, they can make your day and bring smiles to your face. They make a great company. But then again women always want more even when they have been told again and again that relationship isn't on the table.

What is a woman to do? I give an alternative that actually will actually improve the quality of your dating life and prepare you for the right man: i.e by using these men as your "lab rats" with whom you practice your feminine magnetism and relationship skills with men.

Can you really get hold of your emotions and not get addicted on these men? You might still get addicted if he's that great, but then again you have no commitment toward him the same way he has no commitment toward you. So yeah, have a few of them at the same time! That way you are not unwittingly hooked on any particular one. Hopefully you have a few of whom you like equally, who also adore you.

You will learn so much from these men.



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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Get Him to Commit Without Manipulating Him

You've been seeing this guy for a couple of months now- your chemistry is undeniable, you love being around each other and he even engages you in a public display of affection. The signs are so obvious- he is into you. Everything is smooth sailing but the only problem is you are clueless whether or not he wants to take the relationship to the next level. It's totally justifiable why you want more. Nobody can afford to waste time in a relationship that is going nowhere.

Yes, there are hundreds or even thousands of articles and self-help books about making a guy commit but most of them use manipulation. Manipulating a guy to get him to commit to you is not a good idea. I don't care what the experts say, I completely despise the suggestion. It is clearly not how you want to start a serious, loving relationship. If you are going to use manipulation to get what you want then it becomes a regular practice in the relationship. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you have to use manipulation just for the guy to do what you want?

You have to realize that a man's willingness to commit is not a result of a woman's lies and deceit. You don't have to pretend to be someone else to make a man fall in love with you. The mask would have to come off down the track anyway so why bother pretending to be someone you're not? Finding a person who loves you for who you are is very rare and each one of us wants the same thing, right? Just be yourself and let the guy fall for who you really are. You need to do the same which means that you have to accept and love the guy for who he is and not for who you want him to be. If you want a guy to stick around longer then you have to make him feel that you like the "real" him and he is very much allowed to be silly around you. Guys love the feeling of being themselves around a woman. If you are able to make him feel secure about himself, he is going to realize that you are a keeper and trust me; he will never let you go.

If you really like the guy and you are certain that you want a long-term relationship with him then make an effort to find out about his hobbies or interests. If he loves baseball, it wouldn't hurt if you learn the rules of the game so you can sit down and enjoy the game with him. Just don't pretend to be a big fan if you aren't because that is deception. It'll be enough for a man to know that you learned the rules of his favorite game to please him. That will definitely make him feel special.

Another way on how to get him to commit without manipulation is by being loyal to him. You have to reassure him that you are the kind of woman he can trust. A guy will never commit unless he is certain that he is the only guy you are dating. Yes, you can say that they are very territorial. But if you want to ruin your chances of having a great relationship, go ahead and date a few men and do the roulette method to pick a guy. I believe that this is the fastest way on how to drive any relationship to its end. Being in a relationship is pretty simple and I live by one rule- "One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated". It makes sense, right? Whatever you do, always think how you would feel if it's being done to you.



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Is Romance Dying?

Everyone knows that Hollywood tells stories, and that those stories are fictions. Thus Hollywood script writers must always at least partially fabricate history whenever they write movies about ancient ages. So is it possible that our belief that romantic relationships are as old as time, or at least as old as Adam and Eve, are just myths promoted by pop culture? In short, is it possible that the very idea of romantic love is a recent invention?

It may seem odd to you, but there's a substantial body of evidence to indicate just that. Students of anthropology and ancient literature find no evidence of what we now describe as romantic attachments prior to medieval Europe. The first such affair may have been invented by Heloise and Abelard. Prior to that, physical attachments between members of the opposite sex (or even the same sex) were only described in erotic terms, or were based on someone's self-interest in reproduction. In short, love may have recently evolved out of lust. To review the arguments of those who propose this point of view, just go to Wikipedia and look up the entry for "romance."

So why did both Shakespeare and Cecil B. DeMille portray Cleopatra and Marc Antony making goo-goo eyes at each other? It may well have been just Freudian projection on the part of an artist.

As we all know, fashions come and fashions go. Just like any other novel idea that comes into favor for a time, romance may now be vulnerable to passing out of fashion. While mass media vehicles continue to churn out romance-based entertainments, in the marketplace where human sexual relationships are actually forged, it seems that romance may be becoming somewhat old-fashioned. "Hookups" are taking the place of "dalliances," Internet matchmakers' coupling algorithms have taken the place of "love at first sight," "living together" is on its way to taking the place of marrying, and commonplace, even fashionable, out-of-wedlock births have made the whole idea of "bastardy" totally obsolete.

Bryan Sykes, an Oxford Professor of Genetics has even suggested that the end of heterosexual romance may be inevitable anyway. It seems that human males' DNA is more fragile than women's and as a result has degenerated over time. He speculates that men may become extinct. That would leave only women to perpetuate the race by genetic engineering, parthogenesis, or other advanced medical strategies. Would the end of the war between the sexes be a blessing or an indictment of humankind as a whole? Time may tell.

Sounds bleak? Maybe it does. But like it or not, ideas can outlive their usefulness, and as their utility declines they must ultimately pass out of history. So we have to ask ourselves: what good is romance? What has it done for our culture that other fashions have not? For example, romance has by and large replaced the arranged marriage all throughout the Western world, and is on its way to doing so in large parts of Asia.

I think that most civilized people still value romance for some very practical reasons. By creating bonds between lovers that are based on more than just passion, convenience or power, romance promotes freedom. We now freely choose mates based on mutual attraction and consent. And even more, romance promotes bonds colored by mutual compassion and care rather than mere lust and an objectified, possessive desire. In short, romance-based relationships make us more human. We can see ourselves at our best as more evolved beings who have progressed above our animal origins. Seen that way, the impulse to throw romance under the bus suggests a reversion to barbarism, a retreat from a more advanced ethical platform. Is it a sign of our civilization's decline?

History evolves in mysterious ways. When you're caught up in its currents in mid-stream, it's hard to see where you're heading. None of can be certain of where immediate changes may lead us, or why we seem so determined to go there. But as individuals, we can still make our own choices.

For my part, I choose romance. It may cost me more at Christmas or on her birthdays, or certainly on Saint Valentine's Day. But I'm old now enough not to feel compelled to follow all fashions. And romance is one idea that's brought great value to my life, in ways that passion alone never did. Romance lives on in my heart; I can only hope that it does so in yours.

Sincerely: Mike Riley



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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

How to Get Him to Be More Serious Without Giving Him an Ultimatum

Men don't like to be threatened which means that giving him an ultimatum is the last thing on earth you want to resort to and I don't care what your mom or girl friends say. If you want to get him to be more serious, an ultimatum is not the answer to your dilemma. I would tell you why it is never considered as a solution in my book. An ultimatum is a self-serving way for somebody to get another person to do something or to change. For some, it's sort of considered as a validation. It's nothing but a manipulative or forceful way to have things your way. No matter what your reasons are for pressuring someone in doing something they are not comfortable with, things will only get worse. Do you really want your man to resent you? Are you going to be happy knowing that you forced someone to be in a relationship with you?

Don't ever initiate having "the talk" unless you've done everything that will hint him that you want to get serious or exclusive. If you sit him down too early and ask how serious he is about you, you might just end up scaring him away and this is definitely not the outcome you are vying for, right? If you insist on bringing it up, make sure you are ready for the consequences. Will it be OK if he comes out clean and tells you that he enjoys sharing the bed with you and nothing else?

There are subtle ways on how you can make a guy commit without having to hand him a dreadful ultimatum. The most important thing you can do is to show him that your world doesn't revolve around him and you have a very interesting nook outside your relationship. Men love being with self-sufficient, secure and independent women. Don't cancel a night out with your girl friends the moment he messages you that he is free tonight. Let him know that you stand by your priorities and sometimes it's not all about him.

Take up dance classes or flying lessons, whatever prevents you from smothering him. You can even book that vacation at the Bahamas you've been dying to take. The thought of you being in a bikini in a sexy island full of hot men will drive him crazy jealous. Going away will make him realize how life is without you around. Once there's something he is competing your attention for, he will start to question where he stands in your life. If a guy is truly interested in you, he is going to have a conversation with you about your relationship and where you are actually headed.

Another way on how to get him to be more serious is by making him feel that you two have unspoken commitment to each other. Don't date other men and don't flirt with every guy you come across with otherwise you will make him think that you are someone who can't be trusted. It's very important for a guy to feel secure before he can fully commit himself into a relationship.

If you've done everything to make a guy commit but he still refuses to then it's about time that you move on and keep your dignity. Knowing when to quit the fight will save you tons of heartaches and tears in the end. There's no reason why you should try to change a man and hope that things will change for the better because they don't usually do. Learn how to accept that not everything we want can be ours.

How to Get Him to Be Exclusive

If you've been dating a guy for a couple of weeks or even months now and he hasn't mentioned anything about you two being exclusive, it's time for you to bring your A game to the relationship. The most important thing is to know whether the guy is serious or just fooling around. But as a woman, it's hard to be in a situation like this because we are taught to wait patiently until the guy is ready to have "the talk". More often than not, the reason why a guy hasn't established exclusivity yet is because they see your relationship as casual. It's even worse if he is still seeing other women. Maybe he's not ready for a long-term commitment. So how do you get him to be exclusive without scaring him away?

Unfortunately, this is where a lot of us don't have any idea how things work with men especially if we are talking about those who scare easily. The problem with men is that they dread having a serious talk, they hate confrontation, enough said. If you start bugging him to define your relationship or if you constantly drop hints that you want him to be more serious, instead of speeding up the switch from casual to serious, you might end up getting the opposite result.

The very first thing you have to observe is how he acts around you. If you've had your share of relationships before, you are one to most likely know if the guy is acting like your boyfriend. Does he engage you on a public display of affection? Is he always eager to see you? Does he make time for you? Does he make an effort to surprise you once in a while with your favorite ice cream? If the answer is yes to all those questions then you are headed to the direction that you desire.

You have to find a way on how he can tell you whether he is seeing someone else or not. You can do it in a not-so-obvious way and say something like "You probably have a bunch of girls lined up to have a date with you". No matter what you say, make it sound flirty and not demanding or judgmental. If he tells you that he is not seeing someone else then this is the perfect time to ask him why. At this point, there is a big chance that he will tell you that he's already found someone and that is you.

What if his answer is not the one you've been longing to hear? If a guy tells you that he is casually dating and he can't promise you exclusivity then it's time to reconsider your options. Are you willing to wait for things to happen or are you ready to move on and keep looking? I can't stress enough how critical it is to know why you should stay in a relationship. If you are not comfortable with how things are going and you don't see them changing for the better anytime soon then there is no need for you to keep trying. You can't punish yourself just because you are dating a guy who won't commit.

If you think you can't afford to waste time anymore then it's reasonable that you engage your man into a "talk" if you want to get him to be exclusive. If you are going to do this make sure you have a back-up plan just in case he says NO. Are you ready to face the consequences if things don't turn out the way you expected?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Get Him to Admit He Likes You by Letting Him Know You Feel the Same

Times have changed which means that hiding your feelings won't get you the relationship you want. Gone are the days when women would act nonchalant but deep inside they are dying to profess their love for someone. Playing games will not get him to admit he likes you so stop pushing the guy away by pretending that you don't care about him. Sure you have to wait a couple of minutes or even hours for you to return a call or reply to a text message but do you really have to do this all the time? If you really like a guy and you want a serious relationship, I suggest that you stop playing manipulative mind games or you'll ruin everything.

One of my favorite authors, Dr. Henry Cloud, said that adults should treat dating like how children do in elementary school. They just let their feelings out without thinking whose side of the court the ball is in. Yes, go about it in a non-dysfunctional way. If we start doing this way, maybe there will be fewer breakups in the world. Forget about using jealousy to win a man's heart. You think that flirting with somebody else will keep the guy you like interested in you? What about acting like you are not interested at all? None of these tactics will get you to the path you want to take. If you keep playing games, you will sabotage every potential great relationship you can have. Getting the upper hand is not the best way to start a healthy relationship with someone.

While it is terrifying to put yourself out there and admit to a guy you are into him, as long as you know what men are looking for in a woman, you'll be good to go. Make sure you take a few steps so you can prepare before you approach a man, but if you are not brave enough to blatantly say out the words "I like you" out loud, there are few sneaky ways on how you can get the message across. Flirting can help but if you go for a kiss hello or goodbye or a long, sweet hug, it will make him feel really special. Giving a guy a compliment can also serve as a good start. Not only this will let him feel good about himself but he is going to love you for it.

You can also show a man you like him by doing something special for him. If you are good at cooking and baking then use it to your advantage. Men love women who can whip up delicious meals. And yes, the phrase "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach" remains true and applicable to this day. Prepare a special meal and invite the guy that you are interested in. Men always want to share their meals especially when the woman cooks. Let your cooking impress him.

Start a conversation and keep it fun and positive. Ask him about himself and his hobbies. Make him feel that you are interested in him by paying attention to every word he says. Let him talk about his work and his achievements. If you want to get him to admit he likes you, talk closely. Be charming and smile at him. Smiling generates good feelings. It makes the atmosphere more positive and enticing. Men are innately drawn to women with a charming smile. Make eye contact but don't stare at him because he might think you are weird or you are the making of a crazy stalker. Lean your body towards him so he'll know that you want to get closer.



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Monday, July 9, 2012

The Place Nobody Wants To Be: Limboland

Limboland- we've all heard the phrase "I'm in limbo". But what exactly does it mean? Limbo is frequently used to describe a temporary state- a lack of movement either forwards or backwards. In life, and in relationships, one thing is certain- being in limbo is darn uncomfortable.

We can feel like we are in limbo for many reasons- life transitions, family issues, the instability of a relationship. As humans we prosper with a certain degree of routine and structure, so being in limbo is an unnatural state of being. We need direction, goals and action to feel that our lives have meaning, but what can we do if the decision of "what happens next" resides with someone or something else? Our internal guidance system wants to resist the lack of movement by trying to force ourselves out of the state, usually by making impulsive decisions or thoughtless actions. Of course, this usually ends up making things worse.

One of the worst things about being in limbo is fear. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown and fear of outcomes can immobilize our thoughts and actions. This can cause depression, stress and anxiety. Fear is that constant voice in our heads that keeps us from taking risks- risks that might enrich our life or hold us back from doing some things we need to do. Want to experience something new and exciting? Or accomplish something really great? Fear says, "No, you can't."

Another discomfort from being in limbo is the feeling of losing control. Great leaders are admired for their serenity and confidence in the face of uncertainty. When we are in limbo, it can feel like serenity is far from our reach. Instead, our emotions are close to the surface and can flare up at the slightest opportunity. Whether you lash out, cry or pound on your desk, it's uncomfortable to feel out of control.

So how can we feel better about being in limbo? Here are some tips to keep things more in control and less fearful.

Gather information

Information is power and knowledge. When you find out about what options and choices you have, you replace fear with knowledge.

Talk about your fears

Keeping your fears bottled up inside magnifies them. Taking them out (and talking them out) can shrink them. Find a good therapist- they won't disregard your fears or make judgments.

Talk to yourself

Self-talk filled with positive messages can change fear energy into positive energy. Eliminate the negative from your self-talk vocabulary.

Chunk it down

Keep your mind on the small things, not the Big Picture. This stops you from feeling overwhelmed and to recognize the smaller things that you can change. This result is a feeling of being more in control.

Expand your comfort zone

Take a small risk each day. Make one phone call, ask for one thing you want, go to one new place. Little by little your confidence will expand, too.

Accept the Limbo

Don't push against the inevitable. Limbo eventually brings change, and different opportunities. It can lead the way to the next step in our lives, bringing us closer to our goals. Even if we resist the change, it may still result in personal growth, so it can still be a learning experience.

Be proactive

Prepare the best you can for the changes that might come, but then accept the reality of the moment. Think back to other challenges you've come through and remind yourself that everything will work out ok.

Above all, know that limbo is a temporary state. Use the time wisely for reflection, reevaluation, and renewal.



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Saturday, July 7, 2012

How To Make Your Boyfriend Want to Marry You

If you seriously want to make your boyfriend marry you, you must be willing to invest in educating yourself on the best strategy to get him to propose. Making him want to marry you is a positive challenge worthy of your best efforts.

Your boyfriend is a good catch and the two of you have been dating happily for a long time now, but deep down in your heart, you are wondering why he has not propose to you. The following tips will make him to commit to the relationship and eventually make him to give you a wedding ring.

Men by nature dread marriage. They fear to get stuck to just one woman all their lives. They fear the control and the additional responsibility that comes with taking care of a woman.

If you want to make your boyfriend want to marry you, you need to change yourself. Make the effort to find out the type of woman he wants as a wife. If you are not homely or you are the type that always prefers eating out, then you need to change fast. Be the type of girl that takes delight in cooking sumptuous meals at home.

Another thing you can do to endear him to you is to be his best friend and confidant. Be the one to help take away all his emotional trauma and stress.

Marriage can bring so much joy and happiness to your life as a woman, but until you learn how to catch the attention of your man and make him want to spend the rest of his life with you, it is like you are going on an exciting journey without destination.

You must also learn how to inspire your boyfriend to always give his best, crave for you and want to be with you and spend time with you. You should know how to do this with a feminine grace that will be difficult for him to resist you.

Be the woman that has full control of yourself and your life. Once your boyfriend discovers you have self control, he will do everything to be part of your life.

Never try to act like his mother. Your boyfriend will never commit to you if you behave exactly his mother.

Ensure you keep your body parts clean at all times. A dirty and smelling body and private parts may drive your boyfriend further and further away.

Apply wisdom whenever you are with his parents. Don't act without his consent.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I Want to Get Married But He Doesn't

Has your love life become a sore source of irritation for you because you want to get married but he doesn't? You know that no-win situation where you feel an emotional wall between you that's caused by the fact that you have each dug in your heels on opposite sides of the marriage debate. You feel that you must (at all costs) get married... and he is quite happy with the non-committal nature of the relationship as it is. Are you in a place of frustration after trying sulking, tears and your entire arsenal of tricks to 'make' him change his mind but with no tangible results? Yes, he sometimes reacts to your jabbing but not to the point of changing his mind about getting married. So what should you do if you want to get married but he doesn't?

1. Understand why it is that you want to get married. Yes marriage is a great and desirable progression for any romantic relationship but to answer the question; 'why do I want to get married but he doesn't?' we will start by trying to answer the first part of the question... why do I want to get married? This part is all about you and your motives for wanting to get married so search your heart and be brutally honest about it... at least to yourself, so that you can move forward from this unhappy place. Ask yourself:

a. Am I afraid of being alone? Can you barely stand to be alone? Can you live at peace with just yourself? If your reason for getting married is just that you don't want to be alone then this may be a problem. He may realize that the only reason you want to marry him is because you just cannot stand being alone. No-one or rather no self respecting man wants to be a means to an end and he will resist all your efforts to get him to commit. You need to make peace with yourself... and to begin to enjoy your own company!

b. Am I terrified of losing this man? Are you just simply afraid of losing this man? Of course if you love him then you will have a strong desire to keep him in your life but what I'm talking about here is the irrational fear that if you don't tie him down as tightly and... as quickly as possible he may fly away. Do you feel like you hit the jackpot with him and you simply cannot understand why he would stay with you? Then the fear vibes that you are emitting may be making him run. Learn how to love yourself, as a unique and beautiful creation that's worthy of any man!

c. Am I in love with the idea of marriage and NOT necessarily with him? Some of us have been ready to get married since we were in our early teens... and we have this fantasy of what marriage will do for us... we will finally become complete human beings. Do you believe that you will finally only be happy if he says 'I do'? Do you believe that marriage will make you feel better about yourself and solve all your current problems? Then your reasons for getting married are all wrong and if you do get married you will be unhappy since no marriage can live up to your fantasy. Subconsciously you will be sending out a signal that marriage at any cost, to anyone is what you want... and he will get that vibe from you and he will resist marriage to you with all his strength. Get informed about marriage so that you can understand what marriage really is. Yes, marriage is great but it also has its share of challenges as two lives merge and begin to live in the closest human closeness possible. Think about such emotional, physical and spiritual closeness... won't there be challenges?

2. Understand why it is that he does not want to get married. You must now try to answer the 2nd part of the question 'I want to get married but he doesn't?'... the part on why 'he doesn't'? Remember that your man is actually a rational person and his refusal to marry you is based on some good reasons (at least they are good to him). Wait until he is relaxed and ask him casually why it is that he doesn't want to get married. If the marriage issue gets both of you angry and irrational then you may need to get help from someone else who is unbiased (not on his or on your side).

a. Has he been badly hurt by commitment situations in the past? Remember what he has told you about his past romantic history and how he grew up so as to gauge whether his past has a stranglehold on him today. If he is still living in the past then he will be unable to move forward with you until he makes peace with what happened in his relationships or in his growing up years. This can be a sticky point since his past will be painful and he has to want to deal with it in order to move forward with you. If he is unwilling to deal with his past then you may have to decide on whether you want to stay in this relationship with no assurance that he will ever come to the point where he will be ready to marry you.

To get married you both need to be ready with the right attitude toward each other and toward marriage.



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The Importance of Relational Intimacy

Society is centered on money and prestige. It's that simple. Even if you were born a happy hippy kid raised on granola and kisses, by now you know that money=prestige=success in western culture. Our cultivated egos value expensive cars, big houses, designer clothes, and exotic destinations.

From the moment we mature to the moment we die, the framework of our life is corrupted by the idea that material achievement is a necessary component of happiness.

We are the wealthiest society in the history of creation. This fact alone should ensure our happiness, and yet we are stressed and depressed because we place our values on things that will never love us back. We cultivate riches instead of enriching the relationships that heal us.

Western culture's definition of mental health coincides with the dominant values of our culture: autonomy, independence and wealth. We are raised in this isolated society to stand alone, be rugged individuals and capitalist ground-breakers. A healthier way of being productive would be to move, work and create within relationships.

I am reading the book Silencing the Self, Women and Depression by Dana Crowley Jack and I agree with Dana that it is natural, not needy, to look for intimacy in relationships; to cleave to a lover, friends, family and community for support.

Women are far more injured by our western role models because a woman is raised to seek intimacy in relationship, to communicate her feelings, to trust in and nurture others. A man is raised to strike out on his own, to keep his feelings subdued, and to be strong, decisive and courageous. This male role model does not mesh well with the intimacy seeking communicative female model. The sad truth is that men need intimacy just as much as women do; they just aren't raised to know it.

All of my manuscripts are based on the importance of relational intimacy. As a writer of woman's fiction, I am constantly looking for new ways to show the beauty of deep sustaining love; between friends, lovers, brothers-in-arms, or sisters of a common cause. Nothing we do in life is more important than the people whose lives we touch with care. Intimacy unearths pain, supports healing and is more valuable than any amount of gold. You cannot take your riches with you to heaven, but you can take the love and compassion you've invested in others.



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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

What Is the Definition of a Committed Relationship?

Commitment is not a one-way street. A relationship is doomed to fail if only one person is committed. Both parties involved should share the same goals and they need to have mutual agreements on the most important aspects of the relationship. You and your partner should be on the same page but if you haven't had "the talk" yet, how do you know that you are indeed in a committed relationship?

Here are some of the most common signs of a committed relationship:

1.) Exclusivity

This may raise an argument but I believe that when you both stopped dating other people and decide to be exclusive, that's when you know that you both are ready to take the relationship to the next level. While exclusivity cannot be considered as the sole definition of a committed relationship, it somehow seals the deal. Any relationship that does not involve fidelity or loyalty appears to be nothing but vague and hollow.

It's rather difficult to establish exclusivity because nobody really wants to bring this up in a conversation especially if you have been only dating for a few months. Being exclusive with someone goes unspoken sometimes. The most important thing is that you and your partner want the same thing and that is to be together.

2.) Long-term Plans

Establishing future plans with your partner is another obvious sign of a serious relationship. Afterall you wouldn't make plans with somebody that you know won't stick around for a little while. The more serious the relationship is the more you will think about your future together. When you tell each other your dreams it means that you have connected deeply. People who are seeing each other casually will never talk about the future and they focus more on their short-term goals.

3.) Passwords

Giving a person your email, phone and Facebook password is a big deal and if you reach this stage, it means you two are fully committed to each other. When someone gives you their password it means two things: they are not fooling around and they trust you enough. If your partner still has plans of hooking up with somebody else there is no way that they are going to freely give you their passwords. A couple who is in a serious relationship does not hide anything from each other. Being committed to a person means not giving them any reason to doubt your intentions. If you want to reach this stage then I would not suggest blatantly asking your partner for his passwords and make out like you need them so you can start trusting him. Successful relationships do not operate like that.

4.) You spend a night in each others' places

This is considered to be another obvious definition of a committed relationship. You can't get enough of each other and now you started to spend nights in his apartment and vice-versa. You leave your razor in his bathroom and he is completely OK with it. He even gives you a room in his closet and you keep a box of his favorite cereal in your pantry. If you start spending a night in each others' places it simply means that you are marking your territory.

5.) You both understand unspoken expectations

This is when you do things for each other without having to elaborate anymore. You are attending your cousin's wedding and your man knows he has to be there without feeling obligated. When a couple reaches this stage, they tend to feel more secure and they realize that they do things not just to please their partner but mostly out of love.



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Monday, June 18, 2012

Meeting, Dating And The Road To Commitment, Is Love Really All You Need?

It has always been right there in front of our faces. Since the time we were small children, until now. Snow White, Cinderella, Pretty Woman, and Officer And A Gentleman, just to name a few. All Falling in love with the "Prince", and going through some sort of turmoil for 90 minutes. Then, at the end of every movie, he rides up, they kiss, and ride off into the sunset to live Happily Ever After. We were taught to believe that love is all you need.

But, is it? Not really. Because, what you don't see is the afterward. You have to experience that yourself. The afterward is when that initial rush wears off, and you really start getting to know each other. These movies do not teach the realities of relationships, so those realities end up being a big surprise to everyone. What you don't see is...

* Cinderella yelling at Prince Charming because he wore muddy boots into the house

* Snow White throwing dinner in the trash because he didn't come home in time

* Julia Roberts throwing his clothes out the window because old flames are calling

* Debra Winger on a rampage because he was going with friends for the weekend

Once the fairy tale wears off, all you are left with is reality. That's fine. But, now you have to learn to deal with that, and there aren't many movies about afterward. Of course, you can still have your dream, but you are going to need a little more than love to accomplish that successfully.

Love is a wonderful thing, but making that deep connection between yourself and him will be the basis for your relationship to move forward together. Men can be difficult to reach on there own subconscious level because, even they don't understand the road blocks they put up to keep you from getting too close. Sometimes, it seems they even set you up to fail by doing something just to prove you will nag, yell, or be unreasonable. Love is simple, relationships, not always.

Learning how men think, how they feel, and how they work can certainly give you a better understanding of how you want to move forward with your relationship. Being able to remove the road blocks by making that deep connection with him, can send him the right signals that will allow him to move forward on his own, and want take you with him.

The truth is, there are far more single women than married in the United States. For any number of reasons, men and women alike are staying single longer. Time and time again you will hear a woman say "there are no good men out there." That's just not so. What there are however, is women who believe that relationships should be perfect, and so should the man they choose. No one is saying women need to settle for less, or that Happily Ever After can't happen. But, you will have to give up the movie notions you were raised on, and actually make the necessary connections with a man if you want him to move forward to the commitment you seek.



This article is brought to you by FREE DATING.

Adapting the Five Agreements for Relationships

If the earth grows inhospitable toward human presence, it is primarily because we have lost our sense of courtesy toward the earth and its inhabitants

~Thomas Berry~

I have wondered lately what it takes to maintain a relationship. I know people who have managed to stay together for many years, most of them happy. They encountered obstacles but worked together to surmount them. The odds of a marriage remaining intact are about fifty-fifty. I haven't seen any good data on the prospects of relationships outside marriage but they might not be much different.

Why is it so hard to stay together? Some of us look for what they can get rather than give to each other. Others don't take the time to get to know each other. Some don't even take the time to learn about themselves. If we don't know who we are, who our partners are, what we want from them or what we are willing to give them, no wonder staying together is an uphill battle.

I wrote before about Miguel and Jose Ruiz's book, The Fifth Agreement. They suggest five agreements with yourself to keep your life on course. Maybe we could adapt these same agreements to help maintain stable relationships.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Speak the truth rather than frivolity or gossip. We can speak seriously together of what we love about each other rather than what we find annoying, thus bringing us closer together rather than farther apart.

The second agreement is not to take anything personally. What if we took our partners' words and actions as their attempt to be the best partners they can be instead of seeing them as trying to hurt us. Relationships don't start between people trying to hurt each other. Maybe we can give each other the benefit of the doubt.

The third agreement is not to make assumptions. Instead of imagining our partners' thoughts, feelings and motivations, we can talk with them about our observations to find out what they really think and care about.

The fourth agreement is to always do your best. We all have good and bad days in our own skin and in our relationships. Sometimes it is harder to be with someone than at other times. We can use whatever abilities at our disposal on any given day to enhance our relationship. What we have available might not be ideal. But it is the best we have at the moment.

The fifth agreement is to be skeptical and learn to listen. We don't need to take everything at face value, including ourselves and our partners. We also need to remember that in conversations listening is more important than talking. Really hearing helps our understanding of each other and gives us a better chance to build a more solid relationship.

Life Lab Lessons

  • Tell your partner what you truly love about him or her.
  • Look for your partner's best intentions regarding how she or he acts.
  • If unsure what your partner means, make sure you ask.
  • Give your partner the best you have each day.
  • Don't take anything for granted, especially your relationship.



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Does He Want to Be More Than Friends? Signs He Wants a Serious Relationship

The first few weeks of dating is what I call the "blurry" stage. Unless a guy tells you, you really don't know if he sees you as someone he can just pass the time with or a woman he can be committed to. During this stage of the relationship, guys are usually trying to figure out whether or not you are girlfriend material. Yes, they actually want to know if you will pass the test. There are two types of women that men like to avoid (in general)- drama queens and high-maintenance chicks. So, if you don't belong to any of these two categories and the guy is being extra nice to you, how will you know that he would like to stick around a little longer?

Here are 5 Signs He Wants a Serious Relationship With You:

1.) He calls you often and he would not let the day pass without checking on you.

He tells you about his day and he is interested with yours too. When a guy is serious with you, it wouldn't matter if he lives in a place where the signal is bad. He will find a way how to communicate with you. If he makes the extra effort just to talk to you then it means he is really into you and he wants to remind you all the time that he is there for you.

2.) He tells you about his childhood, family, plans for the future, hopes and fears.

A guy who only sees you as a casual will not open up to you unless he sees you as a potential partner in life. Once you get a man to open up about his deepest secrets it means that he has already established a strong emotional connection with you. He trusts you enough that he doesn't care if he becomes emotionally vulnerable in front of you. If your man tells you about his dreams, it somehow means that he wants you to be part of it.

Another sign that he sees you in his future is if he uses the phrase "our kids". I bet that's going to tickle every bone in your body! If he says "I hope our kids take after you" it means that he sees it happening someday.

3.) He takes you to his friend's wedding.

This does not only mean that he wants the world to know how proud he is of you but he wants to share a very special occasion with you. Watching a close male friend walk down the aisle is a meaningful occasion for men, believe it or not. And if he wants to share that with you, it can only mean that he is serious about your relationship and yes he wants to be more than friends. If your partner is pretty excited that you are coming with him at the wedding it is most likely because he sees himself tying the knot with you someday.

4.) He makes the effort to know you.

If a guy is serious with you, he is going to pay attention to everything that you say and that includes the part where you said you don't like Carnations. He is going to go the extra mile to know every bit of information about you, your likes, interest and hobbies. He may even talk to your friends to get an idea how to surprise you.

5.) He gave you a title.

I think this is one of the most evident signs that he wants a serious relationship with you. He is going to give you a title- his woman, his girl, his lady or his girlfriend if you have a place in his life and in his heart.

Can A Casual Relationship Turn Serious? How to Know If a Guy Wants to Go Steady

You meet someone and you hope for the best. If it doesn't work out then walk away. It sounds so simple but love is never meant to be that way. My mom always tells me that you will go through a lot of heartaches before you will meet that one person who will love you like crazy. I guess there's a truth to that, at least for me. Finding someone is not easy because of all the complexities that come with dating. It doesn't matter how many times you get hurt, the most important thing is you picked up some valuable lessons and then you move on. The beginning stage of any relationship can be ambiguous especially if you don't have any idea whether you and your partner are on the same page. You've been seeing someone and you seem to get along well but can a casual relationship turn serious? The answer is YES. How will you know if a guy wants your relationship to be for keeps?

1.) He Tells You Everything

Men are anything but talkers. If you've been dating then you know when I say that it's often difficult to get a man to open up. They guard their emotions and secrets so well and it sure drives us women crazy. If you've been dating for a while now and all you know is his job, Facebook status and what he likes in bed then don't expect the relationship to blossom into something deeper. When a guy sees you as a potential life partner, he is going to tell you everything including his childhood. When my boyfriend showed me his baby pictures, that's when I knew that he wants me to stick around for a little longer. If he starts telling you about his dreams, fears, plans for the future, past relationships and his family, it means your relationship has turned serious.

2.) He goes to big family events with you.

If he starts bringing you to birthdays or weddings it means that he is letting the world know that you are his woman and he is proud of you. That goes the same if he goes to your friend's or cousin's wedding as your date. Your relationship is on a serious track if he has introduced you to his family and extended family. This simply means that he wants them to know that you two are exclusive.

3.) Sleep-overs/He leaves his personal stuff

When you don't wake up with your bed half-empty and he actually wants to snuggle and stay for breakfast, it means he loves spending time with you. Does he have an extra pair of boxers in your closet? Are his toothbrush and razor in your bathroom? If so then it means he is trying to claim his territory and he is quietly telling you not to invite any other guy in your house.

4.) You two are comfortable doing nothing

When all the giddy feelings go away and you two still want to hang around, that's the time you know that the relationship is getting serious. The first few dates are all about getting to know each other, trying to impress each other and lots of sex. If you have made it past this stage it means you have established a deep connection and the relationship is for keeps. You are completely comfortable spending a quite time together and you are not dying to impress each other. When you have reached this stage it means that you both have let your guards down.

5.) The future revolves around you

How can a casual relationship turn serious? The most important thing is that you and your partner have the same goals. If your man keeps talking about your life together, his plans and if he starts to make more intelligent financial decisions it means that he definitely sees you in his future.

Getting Him to Open Up - How to Get Through to an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Men and women are undeniably different in a variety of ways. We learn that very early in life when we face conflict with the boys we date in middle and high schools. Men, of all ages, tend to keep their feelings very close to the vest. They aren't as quick to divulge what they're feeling and they often will work hard to try to work through any conflict that they feel on their own. To men, this may be viewed as a manly way to handle emotions but to women it's not. It inevitably results in men that are emotionally unavailable and distant. Trying to meander through a relationship with a man like this is never an easy task. You become flustered and frustrated very easily when you're trying to determine exactly what your man feels for you and what's going through his mind. Relationships don't have to be this complicated. You can get him to open up to you in a way that makes him feel safe and nurtured. Imagine having a connection with the man you adore that is honest, open and mutually satisfying? It's definitely within your grasp if you understand the key steps you need to take to help awaken his inner core and get him to share it with you.

Understand That Your Man Needs Certain Things to Feel Emotionally Safe

Men, in general, don't enjoy feeling vulnerable. They will do almost anything it takes to avoid that feeling. That's why when a woman confronts a man about his deepest feelings and desires, he'll often retreat. He'll say things about not wanting to talk about it, or he loves you and what else is there to talk about. If you push a man to talk in a way that makes him feel stripped or cornered, he'll shut down. He needs to feel emotionally safe before he can bare his innermost feelings.

You can create a closer bond which in turn will make him more willing to open up. Be clear with him that he is the man for you. If you're the type of woman who plays games with a man in an effort to get him to fall deeper in love or to get him to proclaim his undying love, you're never truly going to get him to share with you. You have to be painfully honest with him about your feelings. Don't go on and on about how deeply you love him. Simply state in a very clear, concise and honest way that he's the man you care for and there's no competition for your adoration in your life. In other words, you're not interested in other men. It's just him in your eyes.

Also, it's incredibly important that you make certain that your man feels completely and unequivocally accepted by you for the person he is. If you're constantly trying to change something about him, he's not going to be as willing to share anything personal in an emotional sense with you. He'll feel judged on a continual basis and that's not a recipe for a happy, healthy and loving bond.

Don't Rush Him Into Opening Up Emotionally

One of the crucial mistakes that many women make in their quest to bond emotionally with their man is they push him to share what he's feeling too soon. Men like to do things on their own timetables and that's especially true in a relationship sense.

If you repeatedly tell him that you believe you two need to talk about your feelings and he doesn't open up during any of these conversations, that's a good indicator that now is not the time to continue to push. Let it go for awhile. Focus on the fun that you two have and not on where the relationship is headed.

A man is much more willing to open himself up emotionally if he doesn't feel threatened or coerced into it. Many women who have been in the same position as you will tell you that when they stopped asking their man what he was feeling, he started sharing.

He wants to believe the idea of being more transparent is coming from within him, so allow that to happen. Take each day as it comes and give him the emotional room he needs to feel safe and secure in the relationship with you. Once that happens, and he feels confident in your unwavering devotion to him, he'll feel much better about showing all his emotional cards to you.

Don't Push for More Than He's Giving

Once your man does take a step towards sharing more of his innermost feelings, be as accepting as you possibly can. It's not uncommon for a woman to want to rush the relationship into the next phase. If you do this, you're going to risk him pulling back or worse yet, taking off for good.

Although you may feel that the relationship is at a point where you want to say to your man that you're ready to settle down and start a life together, he may just be inching towards telling you that he loves you more than he's ever loved any woman. Once he does share that, cherish it. Don't push him to devote himself to you for the rest of his life. Accept and embrace what he can give, when he can give it. If you do that, he'll feel a drive to get closer and closer to you.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Why Are We So Afraid of Getting Married?

We, nowadays men, who are fierce enough to face the most dangerous situations, sometimes as a lifestyle, we, who are proud of overcoming the fear from facing the most challenging situations; we feel all our motivation and our fierceness disappearing as soon as we must deal with the natural step we should take at last once in our life: to get married.

Why if we can jump from the highest places, to swim at the coldest waters, to get into the highest waves while surfing, to fly at supersonic speeds, to fight fire or to find people lost at the most remote places, by the solely mention of the word Matrimony all our fierceness fades out as if we were confronting the most dreadful situation in our life?

Why do we men are afraid of marrying a woman? The main cause that makes us losing our courage to face this situation is the feeling of losing some very important part of our lives as soon as we get married. What is that hidden factor that prevents us from taking what is maybe the most important decision in our lives? The answer in almost all cases is: the fear of losing our freedom.

The most important and puzzling fact -at least for women- is the answer to the question: Are we cowards? Of course not, because we can climb the highest mountains, we can throw ourselves from thrilling heights or to drive a car at the highest possible speed without feeling any fear, or by controlling it perfectly.

We can conquer the fear from these dangerous situations in a better way than the inner feeling that once we got married, we may never have any chance to do those things again. And in addition, it is so very difficult to explain to our girlfriends that without those seemingly simple thinks, we would feel as our life has come hopelessly to an end.

I agree if you are thinking that not every man wants being a super hero. Not all of us enjoy performing such extreme activities; maybe for some of us the most challenging goal we face is to win that bowling game by next weekend or to fish a bigger salmon next time, or to write that book we've always wanted to. Though any of these activities (the dangerous ones and the less challenging too) could seem not very important or even expendable, very few women understand how important they are for us.

The fear of getting married maybe is almost unknown for women, but for men it really exists and is always present, as an obstacle to overcome before making such an important decision.
Then, our fright comes from the fear of never doing those activities anymore. That is the fear we feel each time we think about getting married and is really a looming specter that causes that typical resiliency to get married that women know in their men, but they cannot understand.

If you are a woman and happens that you are reading this article to try to understand why your man doesn't seem to want to get married to you, then one of the best lessons you should learn from this is the fact that almost for sure your man loves you, and his resiliency to get married doesn't mean that he loves his activities more than you, but if you don't agree with the activities he enjoys performing as a habit, and you have shown that you dislike it, then you are destroying the courage he needs to join up to overcome the fear of getting married.

It would be more useful for the future of your relationship to agree - and to show it openly - with the activities he performs at his spare time, and to be ready to do some trade between you and him; for you to let him continuing making those things he enjoys, and from him not to devote too much time to them.

Please understand that once your man gets married to you, you shouldn't pretend that all his time will then be devoted to the marital life. Expecting that would lead him to avoid getting married as if it was the end of his life.



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How To Get A Man To Marry You With No Effort

Are you ready to tie the knot, but he is hesitant and isn't sure if he wants to get married right now, but the only issue is you and him have been dating for over a year now, so its not like this is a new relationship. It's time to settle down and you told him you're ready and that set off a RED light in his GUT.

Now what do you do, the man you're in Love with doesn't seem to be on the same page as you, he says he needs time and wants some space from you but you're not wanting this your afraid if he walks away that this will be the last of your relationship forever and never be able to marry the man of your dreams.

This is where things get complicated due to the fact that most woman would probe and bribe their man not to go, because at this stage your heart is in the game so you have much more too loose than just some guy you met a week ago, the thing here is you need to understand is, when a man gets everything he ask for there is nothing else for them to work t, meaning if you bribe or chase after him in his game playing mind you are doing what he consciously expects you do.

The question is how you would ever know this is what he is thinking and expecting you to do, the answer is you wouldn't have a clue. You can be able to acquire a skill set that takes no effort what so ever to obtain and it will drive your man crazy wondering what is going on, it's like flipping a light switch on when you first wake up its too bright it shocks your eyes, this same skill set you can obtain will be like that in your man's mind.

This skill set is not some magic trick, not manipulative tactics or even bribery, what will happen is his expectations will change because he sees you doing something completely opposite of what his mind told him that would happen.

Don't give in to his way, if he says he needs more time to think this over then say okay that's a good idea, be supportive to him and his fear not condemning and pushing him further to commit.

How to get a man to marry you doesn't take a lot of effort, this can be done in little time and no heart ache on your part if you can do it the right way Just remember he expects you to react like a woman who is losing the best thing ever, show him that you can be supportive to his choice and his needs and you will see a change in his actions.

I Love You - What If He Does Not Say It Back?

Those oh so important three little words, I love you. Before saying them for the first time we all have the worry, if I say it first and he does not say it back I will look and feel a fool. So who will say it first then? If you both feel like that it could go on for years in stalemate. Someone has to take the risk. And that is what relationships are all about, risk.

What if he either says nothing and there will be an awkward silence, or he will say sorry I just do not feel the same? We then have to make a judgement call as to if he is telling the truth. Is it just his fears holding him back, is he wanting to get the upper hand or is it how really he feels? Or maybe he just is not as far down the road as you, he just has not realised how he feels yet.

If you think that is how he really feels then it might just be best to walk away. Depending of course on how long you have been seeing him. If this is your second date it is understandable, and maybe you should look more at yourself than him. But if you have been seeing each other for a few months, or even years and you think that is how he really does feel, no amount of pushing will make someone the one if he is not. Or does not want to be. So you would be better off finding someone else.

But if it is fear of commitment then you have to decide if it is worth persevering with the relationship, to see if it is really just that and he will get over it. Of course maybe he will not. Some men never do.

But they normally run, telling you:

He does not want a relationship.

Has no time for a girl- friend.

Work is too demanding.

We all know the list of excuses they reel off. I expect most of us have heard a lot of them.

But maybe he is playing games with you. He wants to make you sweat for a while. Men do not like being pushed into things and feeling backed into a corner. They like to do things in their own time. Some do not like women making the first move; they feel it is the man's job to take the lead. So if your man is like that it is probably best to wait for him.

You are the only one who can make the judgement, it depends on what sort of man he is. Only you can decide if he is just pulling away from you or he really means it.

You have to ask yourself is he the right guy for me? Is he worth waiting for?



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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Are You Sure He's Commitment Challenged, Or Is Love Just Not Enough?

You have been dating for a while, or maybe even a year or more, and he still has not popped the question. That does not necessarily mean he doesn't love you enough to marry you. It could however, mean you have to touched the right areas in him emotionally that will move him forward to that next step. Now you need to figure out how to get him there.

Women are under the impression that men and women think and feel alike. That is a complete misconception. Women can decided they love a man, and therefore, he is "the one." Believe it or not, men think and feel differently. Men think and feel with their hearts and their guts. They listen to their guts. You can't go asking him why that is, because he would not know what you are talking about. It's a subconscious instinct that they can't even figure out. Years of study have proven this to be true.

So, just because he is not moving forward, does not mean he doesn't love you. The most important things men look for in a woman are not looks. The woman of their dreams does not have to be drop dead beautiful, or perfect. Men want a woman who can connect with them. The woman a man will propose to, is the woman that's interested in the "real him." Men have two sides. The side that he shows to his friends, employers, and family. Then there is the side he shows to his partner. Of course, you will have to push the right buttons first.

How you handle simple conversations, the things you say, can make his emotional light turn green (go), yellow (caution), or red (stop). By giving the right responses, or asking the right questions can completely determine what color his emotional light is going to be.

- Are you interested in his job, or just his amount of income

- Do you ask questions about him and how he views things

- Do you show him who you are by trying to connect with him

These are all very important questions in the process of trying to reach the "real him" and it is critically important to the process of him feeling he can open up to you and making that deep connection. Men want a woman who is going to be with them on their life journey. The woman he chooses needs to understand who he is. Without that, your relationship will not move forward.

You will need to learn to get past the mental roadblocks that keep him from taking your relationship to the next level. Once you break down those barriers, you will see that not only is he not "commitment challenged", but he will initiate the moves himself.

Ways to Get Her to Commit - 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship

You really like someone and don't know what to do? Think about trying some of the following tips to let her know about your feelings:

1. Buy her ice cream regularly. Honestly it's not expensive and there is something about ice cream on a hot summers day that makes you feel so good. In winters make it hot chocolate. That happy feeling she gets, she'll associate it with you. Find small ways to do so, nothing too grand or outrageous.

2. Look at her when you talk. Yes! It sounds so stupid but it works. Why? Because it will make her slightly nervous, and nervous isn't always bad. She'll try to think why it happens and if you're on her mind it's a good sign. Just be sure to not stare at her constantly. That is creepy.

3. Treat her differently than you treat your other friends. If you don't she'll assume that she means just as much to you as all the other girl female friends you have. Show her you care, every once in a while make the extra effort.

4. Play games with her. No not mind games, not dirty games, actual games. Monopoly, scrabble, charades, Call of Duty, anything. If you get her competitive you just might get her playful.

5. Tell her she has a pretty smile. Girls are suckers for this compliment. But don't be too obvious; just slip it discreetly into the conversation, she'll notice.

6. Don't be all up in her face all the time. If you do this, chances are she'll see you more of as a convenience tool or just get annoyed. Be there but remember to not let go of your own interests and hobbies. Your personality does matter and these are things that contribute to it.

7. Try to get her interested in something you enjoy. Be it baseball, hiking or collecting Pokemon cards even. If it's a shared activity it will get you talking more and spending time together often.

8. Be a good listener. Help her vent her frustrations by talking to you.

9. If you are sure you like her enough to risk your friendship tell her. Plain and simple. And don't expect her to respond immediately or be disheartened if she freaks out, give her time to process.

10. Once you've made the leap and declared your ardent feelings for her remember to not drastically change how you behave with her. Yes you now have the liberty to flirt with her more openly but treat her as the friend you did before as well. Laugh, joke the way you used to because if she wants to be with you chances are it's because she appreciated these qualities in you.

Relax. And keep it simple. If she likes you she'll let you know.



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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Secrets on How to Get a Man to Fall in Love

Figuring out how to get a man to fall in love with you is a tedious and mind-boggling challenge. Men are very different than women and that makes "figuring them out" extremely difficult. There are a few secrets that many women don't know when it comes to learning how to get a man to fall in love with you! Are you ready for these? You'll have him proposing tomorrow if you use this advice accordingly!

#1. Fit the Mold

Yes, it's true - every man has an idea of what he thinks the perfect woman looks like and acts like. When a woman meets all of a man's criteria (in regard to the perfect woman), getting him to fall in love is natural and almost instant. Men tend to fall in love more quickly than women and that's obvious when a man meets his perfect match.

Do you think you fit all of his "criteria"? If so, you are one luck lady and don't have to worry about solving the "how to get a man to fall in love" dilemma. If you don't think you are the woman he has always dreamed of for any reason, don't give up - there is still hope! You just have to try a little harder when it comes to making him fall in love.

#2. Give and Withdrawal

Just as a disclaimer, the "Give and Withdrawal" method of making him fall in love with you requires you to manipulate his emotions, which most people might see as unhealthy and wrong. If you don't mind, then this strategy will actually get him to fall in love with you!

This is how it works: You get him to ask you on a date. When he does, you beam with excitement and tell him how much you are looking forward to the date. In his mind, he likes the gratification and sees this as a good thing. This is considered the "give" part. You are "giving" him what he wants.

Right before the date, you call him and cancel. Say something out of your control has come up and you won't be able to make it. This is the "withdrawal". You are taking away what he wants. This piques is interest and now wants to overcome the challenge of getting you to go on a date.

You show up on the next date and he is relieved to see you. This is your "giving" again. Laugh and flirt with him throughout the date and see that he is having a good time. Just when it begins to get good, make up a reason that you need to leave abruptly. Again, this "withdrawal" will leave him wanting more.

Continue to "give" and "withdrawal" until he can't stand it anymore. This is the point where you know he has fallen in love with you!

#3. The REAL Way

Healthy relationships are built on respect, admiration and trust. If you really care about this man, you need to learn how to make him fall in love with you the right way! Love is a result of a lot of work. You have to put effort into a relationship for it to produce something worthwhile. Be you, be true. If you are truly right for him, love will find its way!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Your Guy Is Commitment Challenged, How To Move Forward And It's His Idea

So, you met the right guy. He is wonderful. You're in love, and everything is telling you it's time to move forward. Maybe you have already been seeing the same man for a year or two. You keep waiting for that wonderful moment when he proposes, but it just never seems to happen. You are trying to figure out why he is not ready for a commitment and what to do to get him there. Be careful to NOT make the mistakes that are going to delay your goal.

Many women get frustrated as time goes on. The relationship is good, he is the one. So, what is holding him up? Actually, there could be many reasons, or there could just be one. Men are not emotionally made like women. Women know what they want, and they know when they find him. Unfortunately, men are not always ready when we are. So, what holds them up from being ready when we are?

Believe it or not, men feel with their gut. They feel with their heart as well, but it's their gut that directs them to the important decisions. Men want a woman who "gets them." They want a woman they can open up to, express their feelings, thoughts, and dreams. If, for any reason, they feel they can not do that with you, the chance of you getting a commitment out of them is slim.

Women plan their weddings from the time they are little girls. Men do not. Men however, grow up, and although it may be a subconscious thing, know what they want their life partner to be. If they are fooled the first time, it is very likely they won't be fooled the second. So, women need to understand that it is a feeling with men, and not an actual conscious thought. When a woman feels right to them, they will do everything in their power to keep her, and make her his life partner.

Without hurting your feelings, stop making it all about what you want, and find out what he wants. If you don't, your chances of actually securing that guy are slim. He needs to know you want to connect with the "real him." If he does not feel that connection, he will not move any further forward than he is right now. Men want someone who is on the same page, who admire them for who they really are. You need to learn there is the guy they show everyone else, and then there is the guy they show to the love of their life. These men are two entirely different people, and if he can't be comfortable showing that sensative side to you, he will not commit to you.

The most important thing you can do, is to get to the inner man. Let him know you are on the same page, and that you get him. If you can do that, your relationship can start moving forward the way you want it to, without being pushy, manipulative, or issuing ultimatums.



This article is brought to you by DATING.

I Want To Get Married - Unraveling The Perplexity Regarding Why Some Men Won't Commit

One thing that women have in common is the fear of falling for a fella who doesn't want to commit. How many gals have opened their hearts to their beloved, just to find out that the feeling wasn't mutual? There are plenty of explanations for why some men won't commit, but unfortunately they'll never discuss the matter with you.

If you are reading this article, you are probably experiencing commitment issues with your beau and can't seem to muster up the nerve to approach him about it.

Well, let's see if we can unravel some of the perplexity regarding why some men won't commit.

The L word clinker

Women are frequently guilty of leaking the L word because they are hormonally motivated. The release of the love hormone oxytocin is initiated in women by physical attraction and stimulation. For this reason, she starts feeling that she needs to be with a guy for a lifetime.

Unfortunately, guys don't possess those same hormones, nor are they able to understand your thought process. Some men won't commit because the L word scares the living hell out of them.

Never misinterpret that warm and cozy sensation you get from snuggling, as love. And never permit yourself to cry out the L word during an intense intimate moment, unless you want it to be your last.

He's got his priorities

He's spends a whole lot of time at work and when he does get around to spending time with you, he carries on about work and it seems as if he can't wait to get back to it.

Many guys believe that a relationship will only hinder their careers. Many men want a house and maybe a few other possessions before they contemplate committing to a relationship. It's really not such a terrible thing.

It would probably be a pretty healthy objective to concentrate on your own career so you don't spend every day just hanging out waiting for him to pay attention to you.

You're his back-up plan

One moment the two of you couldn't be closer and then all of a sudden, he's preoccupied once more and unapproachable.

You can't telephone him, but he contacts you. He doesn't let you know where he works or what street he lives on. And your dates are always either at your place or in some hotel room.

OOPS, I'm sorry, but you're probably the mistress. There's more than likely another gal out there with a legal claim to your guy.

Whenever there's a Mrs. or a fiancée or even a steady girlfriend who was there before you, the intelligent course to follow is to walk away. You deserve way more than that.

You frighten him

Yes, he really likes you a lot, but...

The truth be known, some ladies have a natural aura about them and it spooks some of the more timid guys. The way he sees it, you're seductive, successful, self-reliant and you are constantly swarmed by admirers.

Of course, you can't help it, but the poor guy cringes at the very idea of constantly warding off insecurities when he's out with you.

So what's a guy going to do? With what he views as a rather bleak future with you, he moves on quietly.

You can possibly offset this by making him feel needed and important to you. In short, cultivate his self-confidence.

Unraveling the perplexity regarding why some men won't commit will take more than just knowing some of the reasons, now you have to discover how to persuade him to commit.



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How to Get a Man to Commit - Secrets Every Woman Should Know

You've been going out with your boyfriend for several months on a casual basis, and now, you'd like a firmer commitment - maybe not marriage, just yet, but a simple commitment to each other that you'll be exclusive. The problem is, most guys don't think like we do, and for them, commitment isn't often a priority: "We're having fun, right? Why not let things stay just as they are? No rush."

Be careful

If you think you're ready for commitment, it's possible to get your guy to commit - sometimes. Be careful with this, though. If your guy's not committing, there may be deeper problems you need to address. Is he a "player" who strings a lot of ladies along? Are you simply one of many he wants to date? If the answer to either of those questions is "yes," you may want to rethink your own attitude about commitment to him. You might be in for a lot of heartache if you try to pursue things.

Getting ready for commitment

If it's simply that he's not "in a rush" and there are no underlying problems, commitment may be worth pursuing. Here's how:

· Get to know each other well

If you're ready to go for commitment, make sure you know each other well enough that this is actually something that's realistic. Remember, love is not a "game," no matter how much romantic comedies and reality TV might say otherwise.

Get to know each other well; be willing to listen to your boyfriend, find out who he is and what he really wants. If you can tell early in the relationship that he's ready for a serious relationship even before you actually make a commitment to each other, it's much more likely that you and he will be on the same page when the time to commit comes. And again, remember that if he's just a "player," in that his main focus is to date as many women as possible, don't even try to envision commitment. Find someone else who is more suitable to you.

· Practice authenticity: Be yourselves

The worst thing you can do when you start out in a relationship is to fake who you are. You can of course focus on being the best you can be and still be authentic, but you shouldn't try to fake your values, what you like, or how you live to "catch" a boyfriend. When your boyfriend finds out who you really are, he'll be disillusioned, and may even feel like he's been lied to.

By the same token, encourage your boyfriend to be himself, too, so that when the time for commitment comes, you both really know just whom you're committing to.



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The Best Ways to Show Each Other You Care

Over time it can become easy to take each other for granted, forget about doing those little things that matter so much to our partner. Let's take some time today to remind ourselves about the best ways to show each other you care. It doesn't take much to invest in the quality of your relationship and improve it immeasurably.

Here are some of the best ways to show each other you care:

- Remember the small things that matter to your partner. They may like to get up at a leisurely pace at weekends; take them a drink of tea in bed. Run them a bath after a busy day, start preparing the evening meal if you're home first. If they like things done in a certain way learn to respect that as a part of the person they are, a part of who you fell in love with.

- Demonstrate that you're thinking about them when you're not together. Just sending a simple text or picking up something you know will appeal to them, like details of a concert or a book they've mentioned can mean so much and really show that you care and are thinking of them.

- Making time for each other is one of the best ways to show each other you care. Even the busiest of people need to eat. Sitting down together for your evening meal can provide important time to relax and chat with each other about your individual days, your lives, even your plans for future activities. Time spent communicating is an important part of commitment to a relationship, so decide to record your favourite television programme for future viewing and regard the time you spend together as an investment in your relationship and a way of showing that you care.

- Make an effort for each other. Sometimes it's important to show each other you care by doing things that may not be especially appealing. Standing in the rain watching a football match, going round the shops at a weekend, visiting each other's friends or families may not be your favourite way to spend your free time, but may be important as a way to show each other you care and are prepared to make an effort. Similarly, listening to your partner talk about the same problem repeatedly may require patience, but if it's troubling them they may need to be heard. Supporting your partner through their problems demonstrates that you care.

- Look nice. Taking a pride in your appearance matters. Some people feel that once they are in a committed relationship they don't need to take as much care about how they look, their weight, the way they dress, their personal hygiene or their good manners. Mutual respect is about appreciating each other and the fact that you both still choose to remain together. One of the best ways to show each other you care is by taking the time and effort to look nice so that you remain attractive, appealing and desirable; pleasant company to be with.

- Remain interesting. Keep up to date, with current affairs, modern culture, interesting developments, each others lives so that you can have interesting, relevant conversations not just about whose turn it is to take the rubbish out or which items need adding to the weekly shopping list.

- Have the tough conversations. Showing each other you care means being prepared to insist that your partner visits the doctor or listens to your point of view when you feel that they are in the wrong. Sometimes having difficult conversations or working through unpleasant times together is part of an enduring, caring relationship.



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Monday, June 11, 2012

How Do I Get Him to Propose?

It's hard enough finding a man and it's even harder to get him down on his knees offering you a lifetime of happiness. A lot of men are nonchalant towards tying the knot mainly because forty to fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce.

While there are some things that you can do to give your man a little nudge, you have to know if he sees himself getting married and having a family of his own in the near future otherwise you are depriving yourself in finding a man who would love to marry you. Love is never enough for a guy to get married. There are certain factors that they also consider. When a man is ready and willing to commit, you don't have to do anything to lead him to that road. Knowing where you stand in his life and his future will tell you if it's worth waiting for him. If a guy talks to you about settling down someday, chances are you are the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So... how do I get him to propose? Read the following tips below that will make your man ask your hand in marriage without giving him a shameless ultimatum:

1.) Talk about your future with him in it without giving him the idea that you are expecting a proposal. When guys make a decision to marry somebody, they want to do it without anyone manipulating them in doing so. An indirect approach is the way to do it but make sure you take baby steps. If you like writing him cards why not include phrases like "I can't imagine my life without you in it", "A future without you means nothing" or "I'm so glad I found somebody whom I can share my life with". Wait how he responds. If he brings it up in a conversation then you know you've hit the nail on its head.

Do not talk to him what your dream wedding is unless he asks you about it. Sometimes women get so giddy when they see a beautiful wedding dress or when they hear about the perfect wedding destination and they blurt out stuff without knowing that they are making their man so uncomfortable. The wedding talks should be reserved for your girl friends.

2.) Don't move in with him unless he talks about marrying you in the near future. Giving the guy all the benefits of being married before you say "I do" is a ticket to heartbreak and unmet expectations down the road. Don't start acting like his wife unless you are.

When a guy is really into you, he won't play games. He will never drag it because he is too scared that someone better will come along and that guy will snatch you from him. When a man finally finds the woman of his dreams, he will do everything to keep her and that includes tying the knot with her. When a man wants to marry you, he would give you that ring and won't suggest that you have a "trial" period of living together. While I don't see anything wrong in moving in with a guy, if you are expecting him to propose anytime soon, don't do it.

3.) Make him realize what a wonderful wife you're going to be. There are so many ways on how to make a man to adore you and one of which is to cook for him. If you don't know how to cook, then learn! Be his dream girl but don't try to hard that he's going to think you are being weird or fake. Make sure that you are having fun whenever you're together. Be that person he can talk to with just about anything without the fear of being judged. Be his number one fan and be supportive in everything he does.

The next time you ask "how do I get him to propose?" you know that the easiest way is to be his dream girl who inspires him and loves him for who he really is.



This article is brought to you by FREE DATING.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Two Living As One - Relationship Tips for Living Together

Joined at the hip? Or do you feel like your leash is shorter than a shoestring? Well, there are a few reasons why you may feel this way, and the most common one deals with personal space.

Healthy relationships have an understanding of teamwork and realizing that each of you bring something different to the table. The whole "two hearts beat as one" is a cute notion but in reality, you are two individuals who live together, each with your own identity. Just because you are in a relationship with a person, doesn't mean that you need to eat, breathe and like exactly what your partner likes. You are your own person with your own likes and dislikes. Now sure, it does help the relationship if you share common beliefs and some likes and dislikes but to an extent.

After time in a relationship some couples feel stale and lost due to the fact that they invested so much time pleasing the other person that they neglected to fulfill their own needs and interests. It's ok to think of yourself and it's actually healthy too. Healthy relationships are about balance and is something that needs to be a priority. You should continue to pursue your personal interests as you did when you were single. Continue to go shoe shopping with the girls and fishing with the guys. You need your own personal time to explore your interests and do what you like to do. It would be great if your partner loved 100% everything you like but that's almost never the case and that's ok. Support and encourage each other to be a part of the activities when possible but there are times when the ladies need a girls day out shopping that you really do not need to be a part of.

Personal space has an important place in a relationship that should be respected. The saying "..go away so I can miss you.." has a lot of truth to it. If your with your partner 24-7 it can lead to feelings of being smothered which will lead to getting under each others skin which leads petty bickering which leads to someone sleeping on the couch. Don't sleep on the couch.

Once you understand that you're two individuals living together working towards a common goal, it will help bring things into focus. So go ahead ladies, schedule that shopping day with the girls and guys, go to your favorite fishing hole with the guys and do what you do.



This article is brought to you by DATING SERVICE.

Should I Give An Ultimatum to Get Him To Commit?

Can you just imagine how many frustrated women have, or thought about giving the ultimatum speech..since the beginning of marriages?

Your guy basically telling you "I love you.. but.. I'm not ready", "bla bla bla," just ain't working for ya is it?

An ultimatum equals a threat and you're not the first girl and not by a long shot will you be the last to ponder this prerogative.

So many women get fed up and frustrated with the waiting for a proposal...that they're willing to risk everything in the relationship, or stick around after he says no and lose all their credibility and equality with their partner.

This scenario is especially common in long distance relationships which, for obvious reasons, are frustrating enough.

By presenting the all or nothing option.. women don't have the clue that this will most likely kill the relationship..it's simply too much pressure for boyfriends..and who wants to be threatened? This is nothing more than a control game.

There is a slim chance it could work...if he gave some clues previously that he would be willing to take things to the next level.. BUT...are ya ready to pack your bags? Better yet..you should probably already have them packed..because even though it will strengthen your point with your guy... he'll probably tell you not to let the door slam on your way out.

Something that might play out better than near certain relationship suicide would be to stop seeing him and sexing him. If your living together that is going to be a tough thing to do...but.. read on....You could give him a thorough explanation by telling him that although you love him you don't want to ruin the friendship you've had all this time...tell him that you understand he doesn't want to commit but that's not the best thing for you..because you don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't want to commit.. and you're afraid you might lose respect for him.

By working that angle the only one pondering is your boyfriend...you gave him a choice without it being an ultimatum. This results in much better possibilities...he doesn't feel threatened...yet he is challenged to look at how he feels about you and commitment. He'll also now realize that you're fully independent without him...it gives him also a chance to miss you.

Now he can decide if all the benefits are not worth the commitment and move on...

If he decides they are...then he'll work on his commitment and set a date or map out a plan.

If he leaves...he can come back because realized he messed up, he truly loves you and wants a second chance.

If he moves on...of course it will hurt...but you will also know his feelings...and you won't be wasting more time.

The bottom line for either of these strategies is that you better get yourself ready for the truth whatever that may be...be ready to act on his response.